No life journey is taken alone. Our influences, environment and those around us are often a key part of who we become and the life we are able to make for ourselves. Those of us fortunate enough to have the guiding hand of loving and nurturing parents in our lives understand what a blessing this is. I, for one, am deeply grateful for the foundation of ethics and values that my mother and father have given me.
The love and patience with which my mother raised me has given me a lifelong appreciation for what it takes to be a good parent. Looking back, it seems like the naughty and playful child that I was back then must have been a constant source of concern for her, but somehow she found a way to let me be myself, while also guiding me in the right direction. I was lucky that my father was equally good at balancing his encouragement of my natural strengths, with a firm and principled approach to parenting. In fact, I find their strengths as parents fascinating, because of the different but complementary roles they took on.
Today I’d like to look at my relationship with my father in particular. It would not be an exaggeration at all, if I was to say that he is one of the anchors of my life. His influence, in words and actions, has shaped my personality and given me a lofty ideal to aspire to. A lot of what I have achieved in life is in some way a reflection of his advice and example he set for me, as a person.
A strong foundation in ethics
All of us who take on the responsibility of raising a child worry about providing a safe and nurturing environment, as well as the best of education and opportunities, to our kids. These things are definitely crucial, but what I’ve learnt most from my father is the importance of being a great role model. I am strong believer that a truly exceptional teacher conveys more to his or her student through the way they live, than by the use of mere words.
While I don’t consider my childhood as being deprived of any essential, it is also true that we lived very simple lives. My father worked hard to give us access to all the necessary conveniences, but I also remember an unspoken emphasis on things that are far more important that material possessions. We often say that “the best things in life are free”, but the entire world still seems to be caught up in the pursuit of wealth. When I consider the influence my father had on shaping my thoughts, what impresses me most is the balanced approach he had towards personal drive and ambition. He inculcated a desire for achievement and excellence in me and my siblings, but was somehow also able to convey that humility is the most ennobling quality a person can have.
Obviously, passing on such a complex idea to a young child is not possible in just words. It is too subtle a concept for a young and growing mind. A child is exposed to so many ideas and examples that are beyond the control of a parent. Whether it is from observing other children and adults, at school or in mass media, it’s impossible to keep your child away from all negative influences. I believe, this is where setting a personal example goes a long way. Some of my most basic principles and ideas are a result of observing my father and the routine and everyday choices he made. My ethics and values, my appreciation of the simple but most valuable things in life, my conscience and my sense of responsibility, are all a reflection of the man I saw my father be, within the family and to the world at large.
An advisor I trust and depend upon
One of the great advantages that a principled person has is that their words are taken seriously by others. Even within his group of peers, friends and colleagues, I remember my father’s advice being sought and valued by many. Naturally, as a son, I have benefitted very often from his perspective, guidance and mentorship. Even when I don’t explicitly seek his input, I can often see the result of his influence, in my own choices.
My approach as a team leader and manager of people has a lot of its basis in the example of my father. One of his great strengths is being able to mentor, without restricting the person he is guiding. Over time, I have come to realize that being a strong and clear- headed individual, who is also kind, compassionate and morally grounded, helps him gain the trust of others. My father’s example has taught me that gaining respect is the greatest wealth one can create, and I find myself constantly aware that I must be worthy of the trust and regard of my colleagues. In fact, my very concept of leadership is based on the way my father was able to take responsibility, without making others feel indebted to him.
It’s because of these personality traits that I still feel comfortable seeking my father’s advice and acting on it. I believe that a person who bases their understanding of the world on universal principles is able to remain relevant in their opinion, even if a lot of incidental changes have happened in the world around them.
The best teachers empower their students, to discover their own sense of self
Those who know me are aware that I am a person with clear ideas about what he wants to do. I am also driven by my vision of what I want to achieve and the things that I am passionate about. This is why I have noticed that a few people are mildly surprised, when they see my relationship with my father. I think this might be because it’s often assumed that a person like me, who has a strong individualistic streak, would not be so open to the advice of another person. I remember a quote I once came across, which said that “great leaders don’t create followers, they create more leaders” and this is perhaps the best explanation of why I have come to be an independent adult as well as a son who values his father’s guidance and mentorship.
If I was to identify what I admire most about my father, it would be that he has been able to combine a capable intellect with an ability to be emotionally mature. I would even go so far as to say that watching him exhibit this balance has been the best example I could have had, to look up to and follow.
Postscript:
In the time between when I wrote this blog and it being uploaded, my father passed away, on the 25th of December 2019, at his Mumbai residence. The fact that he is no longer with us makes the thoughts I had shared about him in this blog particularly poignant for me, when I read them now. At a time such as this, when my mind is flooded by the memories he has left me, it feels appropriate to add a few more thoughts to what I had already shared.
In an era when securing a plum job in the Indian Railways would have dissuaded most others from pursuing the inherently risky calling of entrepreneurship, my father did just that. Having grown up influenced by such an example of pursuing one’s dream, instead of playing it safe, it is no surprise that my siblings and I, all chose to walk in his inspirational footsteps. He was a vivid example to us, of the hardwork and commitment it takes to realize one’s ambitions. Not only did he achieve his dream of a successful career as a businessman, he also ensured that we lived a good life, received the finest education and had his unflinching support and guidance, at every stage of our lives.
It is impossible to put into words the void he has left behind. I have lost a guide, mentor, an elder brother and a ‘boss’, who’s vast experience and wisdom I could rely on, to show me the correct path whenever life presented me with a test. All my life I have stood on the shoulders of a giant, and it gave me a wider view of the world than I might have had on my own. Despite having lost the reassuring presence of his physical being, his spirit, perspective and wisdom will continue to be my guide, in the years to come.
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